The concept of control is one that has fascinated me for most of my life, even when I haven’t been expressly aware of it. I have drifted into jobs where there was a sense of control, such as heading up a quality control lab. I even gravitated towards activities that promised to enhance my sense of control, such as dancing and martial arts. But what is it about control that keeps me unconsciously looking for it?
I guess I can say that I’m drawn to control because I hate the felling of not having control. While I haven’t always known how or when to exert control over a situation, there has always been a deep yearning for that control.
*Find your need for control*
It’s always been there for me, just as I know it’s always been there for you, and for everyone. It’s a part of growing up, needing to exert a level of control over your surroundings. But at some point, we lose our need for control. We give up a portion of, or even the whole of our control because we’re told that it’s easier. Then in school we’re rewarded for giving up control of our learning through the meaningless administration of a grading system. As the years pass the system of rewards continue as incentives and raises based on performance reviews. Do as you’re told and be rewarded with a chance to get a minimal raise at the end of the year.
To find your need for control you must first find your anger. Think back on all the times you’ve given up control to a third party. Maybe it was your boss, or the government, or the bank when you took out a mortgage. Think about the times you agreed to something because an expert told you it was so. Feel the anger of letting someone else decide what is best for you.
And there you have it, there’s nothing more to finding your need for control. There’s no 12-step program, no $5000 course to help you realize you’ve given up control. There’s only your anger and a burning desire to regain control.
I won’t leave you here. You’re starting to feel the need to regain some of your control, and I’m right there with you. Follow along as I go through my ideas on control and take what you want. The key, though, is that I won’t tell you what you must do. That would make me a hypocrite. Instead there needs to be a better way for all of us to learn that nurtures our ability to exert control. Follow along as far as you will as I look for this better way.